Where to start……I think its safe to say I’ve been trying to do a lot lately, too much. I did start by writing down a little list of the things that I do then realised how bloody pretentious I was being and that plenty of mums have shit loads to do, not to mention the single mums who have no help.
But the truth is regardeless of whether I do more or less then other mums I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment and wondering how I can fit it all in without being completely exhausted. This is not helped by the fact that Emelia is still waking nightly anytime from 3.30am and taking around an hour to go back to sleep and lucky me this week she’s also taken to have an early hours poo just to round off the fun we have at this time of night/morning! I joke about this but really I’m crying inside from absolute tiredness and feeling really worn down from this nightly cycle of waking, rocking, pooing etc (Emelia, not me just to clarify).
Something has to give but I just don’t know what. I know when Emelia finally sleeps through the night again things will seem so much easier as I wont be anywhere near as tired or foggy but until then I’m really unsure what to do.
Obviously I cant scale back on my mummy obligations or essential stuff like looking after the house and myself, with exercise etc. So whats left, blogs and crochet. The two things that really are just for me, the two things that I can enjoy in the evening and that make me feel like not just a mum or housewife or home educator. So how can I possibly let them go? I can’t but I have to scale back, the crochet has already taken a back seat for a while although I am doing bits here and there but it does mean I am nowhere near ready to re open the BeauxBebes shop and to be honest I’m questioning if I even want to, if I’ll ever have the time. I’ve also been questioning whether to continue with the blogs. I’m really struggling to find the time to write them, to post regularly to instagram/facebook, you’ve probably noticed my posts are quite sporadic. The thing is you need to be very regular and consistent on social media to really get a following or get noticed anywhere. I’ve been questioning if its really worth my time to keep writing when my posts are not really getting out there and I just don’t have the time to push them further. On the other hand I always wanted to try writing and now that I have I really enjoy it and I just don’t know if I want to stop. But if I want to achieve bigger things from my blog I need to stand out, I need to write good content and I need to do it regularly and I worry that these are things I just can’t achieve.
It makes me feel a little sad that the two things I do specifically for me are the two things I can’t do as much as I’d like to but I know having children and the life that comes with it takes priority and I would never change that. I love my kiddies so much its just sometimes you need to do things that make you feel like you and not just a mum, I guess even on a small scale something is better then nothing!
I know I’m writing this after a particularly hard week with serious lack of sleep, at a time when I am also hormonal so the more emotional side of me is feeling the stress of this all. Once this phase passes it will probably all become clear again and I’ll wonder what all the fuss was about! I’m not going to stop writing for now but I do need to think more seriously about what I want to achieve from writing these blogs and whether I can commit to it. How other bloggers fit it all in I just don’t know, or maybe its just me that struggles!
In the meantime, any tips you have on getting Emelia to sleep through the night again would be ace, in other words please help me!!
Love Michelle xx