Some of you may have noticed its been a while since my last blog post. Things have been pretty busy with Christmas, family and a few other things we have going on that I just haven’t found or made the time to sit down and write. In some ways its been nice to have that break and I’ve found myself wondering again if this is something I want to continue with.
At the end of last year I started suffering with stomach pains every time I ate which although they have now settled down it has been tough to deal with, especially as its happened before a few years ago and I was not expecting its return. I wont go into all the details as its just not that interesting. The main thing is I still don’t know why its happened either time and thankfully it has now gone, although I suspect it has coincided each time with a hormonal shift, but I’m really just guessing. What really strikes me though is how when you are in pain for most of the day your whole demeanour changes. It really brought back to me all the feelings I had a few years ago when I had a hormonal imbalance causing crazy PMS, and these stomach pains which resulted in anxiety, despair and depression. I felt like I had no control over my body and that it was working totally against me, to the point I actually hated it.
Thankfully I overcame this with a lot of lifestyle and diet changes and I never looked back until recently when the pains started again and those old feelings of despair returned. I think this is what has snowballed my feelings of not being able to manage a lot of things, like the blogs, business, Home Educating etc, which then started a major wobble about it all.
At the moment I am still in the process of getting back into good lifestyle and eating habits (thank you Christmas for helping this go off the scale)! But I am feeling much better in myself and working with my body and life as a whole. However, I have decided that I am not going to continue with BeauxBebes as a crochet business. I haven’t given it my full time or attention to enable it to become successful and right now I don’t feel I have the time on inclination to try and make it go further. I have other ideas that I want to pursue but I wont be starting them yet as I just feel my heart and motivation wouldn’t be totally in it.
I need to focus on my health, my family and home educating. I know if I put my mind to it I could make time for all these other things like business etc but I don’t feel my heart is in it at the moment, I say at the moment because I really hope that changes soon. I love my family and want to Home Educate but I also feel I need something to do that is just for me, an achievement of my own thats not about the kiddies etc and I think in time I will find what that is and go for it full throttle!
At the moment I am still not sure if I want to continue with the blog writing but I wont rush into a decision about that because really I’m very torn on it. Part of me loves writing them and part of me wonders If I really want to share these aspects of my life and family online and I’m struggling to come to an answer that feels right. So for the time being you will still see me and what we are up to.
I hope this explains a little bit as to why I’ve been so quiet and gives you just a little insight into whats going on with me, as I always wanted to be honest here and I don’t think it would be right to continue as though nothing was going on.
So thats where I am at, feeling much better and more positive, making changes and pondering what lies ahead. Only time will tell but I’ll be sure to let you know whatever I decide.
Love Michelle xx